


Sweet face.

by b_kolacki



Series: A.M [2]
Category: the gay one - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 09:16:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12339801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b_kolacki/pseuds/b_kolacki
Summary: I.................love hurting my own ass feelings





	Sweet face.

Beyoncé got out of bed on Thursday. She bathed, she wore something other than Jordan's old shirt. She didn’t comb her hair much, she kind of took a liking to how wild it looked. She cut on the tv in the living room and flipped to the sports channel, hiking the volume up so that it could be heard from the front door. She ordered in a pizza as soon as the closest restaurant opened and once it was delivered she ate a couple of slices before sliding the rest in the fridge for later. 

She saw the nanny off and went to sit in JJ’s nursery. JJ could walk, feed herself and speak in fragmented sentences that were exceptional for her age according to her pediatrician. Beyoncé had been told it came from being talked to so much and she couldn't really take the credit for it; she slept mostly, the nanny spoke mostly french and so that only left Jordan. He was quiet usually, full of wit and useless facts but they had to be forced out of him, sometimes she wondered who he could be talking to if not her. Apparently a two year old.

When Beyoncé sat in the recliner next to the crib, JJ pulled herself up by the bars and peeked through the slats. It made Beyoncé laugh only because she looked like she was in a jail for toddlers and then because of how confused she looked. Not only was her mother present, she was in a good mood. Pretty rare.

“Hi.”

JJ blinked.

Beyoncé swallowed roughly. “You look nice today.” Because what do you say to a child who you've been harboring resentment towards for nearly two years? 

JJ still looked weary and it was almost enough to make Beyoncé turn around and go back to bed but she took it on the chin. “Do you want to get out?” 

Blank stare. She tried to think of how Jordan would ask or how to say it in french. Neither one came to mind so she bit the bullet and reached in and lifted JJ out. The worst she could do was cry and Beyoncé would get the message and never attempt again but she didn't. She nestled closer and placed a small hand on Beyoncé’s nose. They hadn't been that close to each other in months, not with Beyoncé looking anyway, and there were things that had changed since the last time. JJ had freckles like Jordan and a little section of her eyebrow was growing upwards and there was no telling who she inherited that from because both of her parents had that trait but Beyoncé wanted to think it was her side. 

She kicked her feet up and let JJ get comfortable on her lap. 

“You know who's coming to get you today?”

“No.” Her voice was soft but with a little rasp and it's what Beyoncé imagined Jordan's voice sounding like when he was small.  
“Your daddy’s coming, you excited?”

“It’s a bug.”

“Huh?” She followed her gaze until she saw an ugly looking bug crawling up the windowsill. “That’s a moth.” She reached over looking for something to kill it with.

“Don’t squish him.”

“It’s a bug.”

“He’s nice.” JJ squirmed trying to get to the window to save her friend.

“He eats your clothes, he is not nice.”

She considered squishing it but she didn’t want to take the chance and upset JJ when they were getting along. She stood up and pulled open the window and fanned the bug out. 

“Say bye to your bug friend.”

“Arrivederci!” 

“Who taught you that?”She said, gently tickling her side and Beyoncé took note that she really liked her child’s laugh.

 

Jordan showed up around three. His work clothes still on but disheveled in a way that made Beyoncé draw the conclusion he’d just thrown them on. When she opened the door he looked genuinely shocked at how happy she seemed. Or maybe it was just all the stickers on her face.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” She poked out her hip where JJ was sleeping

“You look nice.”

“So do you.”

“I’m sweaty.”

His eyes were swollen and pink. He was getting frown lines and it made her worry about him.

“I think you look nice.”

“I need a nap.”

Beyoncé let out the smallest gasp and struggled not to look predatory when she made her offer.

“You could take one here.” 

“I don’t know if. . .” 

“What?”

“If that’s a good idea.”

“You shouldn’t drive when you’re tired.”

“I’m always tired.”

“That’s why you should take a nap.” 

A smile worked it’s way into his eyes and lips. “Are you watching football?”

“No.”

“It’s on.”

“I know. I have food too.”

“Yeah?”

“You should take a load off.”

He stepped inside their house for the first time in ten months and it almost felt out of place. He sat on the couch and it didn’t sink under his weight the way it used to. He was smaller now, when she handed JJ over to him she noticed how her cheeks were fuller than his. It was a little depressing, the dim bar lighting had been much kinder to him but the image of him pressing light kisses to JJ’s temple so he wouldn’t wake her was one she liked better.

“You gonna sit down or stare at me all day?”

She sat on the farther side of the couch. “I can do both.”

He moved closer to her laying JJ’s legs over hers so she could stretch out.  
“You two have a good day?”

“We had fun.”

He gave her a warm look and linked a finger with hers, “You feel better?”

“I’m good.”

“I just know you felt weird before.”

“I didn’t feel weird. She didn’t like me.”

“She likes you.” He picked the stickers off her cheek and pressed them to the back his hand.

“Today she does.”

“When I take her she misses you.”

Her eyes stung in the corners but she blinked away the tears. “It would’ve been nice if she showed it a little sooner.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“I was jealous of you.” 

“Because she liked me?” She noticed his hair was a little longer 

“She treated you like you were her mother.”

“I’m her dad.”

“She’s supposed to like me better.”

“Because?”

She shrugged and pulled at a loose thread in the fabric of her shirt. “I wanted her.”

“I wanted her too. You, me, a cute little kid, and a nice house. That's all I wanted.”

It stung to hear him use past tense. 

“What do you want now?”

All she could think of was how deeply she needed to hear him say her because that's what she wanted and it felt like they were slowly getting back on track.

“I just want to keep it together, I think.” From the looks of it, she could sense that he wanted to say her too, but it wouldn't have been honest. They had a lot to think about. Unsaid things to say.

Her head tilted towards the ceiling. “Makes sense.”

“And I want JJ to be happy, and safe, and healthy.”

“Of course.”

He moved JJ to lay beside him and locked Beyoncé’sfingers with his.“Or did you mean for us and you're too scared to ask?”

“Sort of.”

“I want us to get through this without resenting each other. What do you want?”

“I want you to not hate me.” It was a selfish thing to want but she didn't want to lie. Deep seated in her being and radiating off of her was the constant longing for him to be hers again. 

“I want to be sure and it's taking a long time.”

That all sounded like bullshit to her now. “Or are you just trying to convince yourself to stay away?”

“Where'd you get that from?”

“I just thought what happened at the bar meant something and that we'd be okay, but you kind of act like it never happened and that's okay, but I thought we were. . .I don't know.”

“We're good in bed but I'm not coming back just based on that alone.”

Beyoncé almost hit him. “We're fucking great together, we have inside jokes and we're together so much we get called velcro but we don't care ‘cause we're so much fun. We think we're the funniest people ever and I always think about how lucky JJ is to have us as parents because we balance each other out pretty good, she doesn't have to go lookin’ that far when she's upset because we make a good team. We learned something new about each other every day.” She was telling him these things as if he hadn't lived through them and it only seemed like her trip down memory lane only served to upset him. 

“If you knew what you had why'd you go fuck it up?”

She didn't have a good answer for that and she didn't think there was one he'd accept. It felt so hopeless there was nothing she could do but cry. 

He wiped at her damp cheeks with his thumbs. “I'm sorry, Bey. I didn't wanna make you cry, I’m still-I’m hurt and I don’t wanna put it on you.”

His words only added to her guilt. “If not me, who can you put it onto?”

“I’ll get over it.”

She frowned, watery eyes gazing at his features, Jordan still had such a sweet face. A face you could trust in, maybe because it was sort of ordinary, she could see glimpses of him in other people all the time but the kind and soothing composition of his eyes, his teeth,his nose (he had a great nose) they couldn’t be matched.

“I’d like it if you trusted me enough to let me try and help you.”

“What if I do it and then decide I don’t want it anymore.”

“It?”

“Us.”

“Then. . .” She didn’t have to think about why it was just hard to say, “I’ll love you anyways. I just don’t like seeing you hurting.”

He pulled her to him and she wrapped he arms around him, holding each other close. Movement that was like dancing, it looked fluid but they both knew how much work it took to make it happen. They needed a good hug.

“You’re warm.”

“You need to eat more.”

“You say that as if you can cook.”


End file.
